Barnes, It’s no Mayo!

As you have read in my wife’s previous posts, we got back from the Mayo Clinic and Macie set up an appointment at Barnes Jewish in St. Louis. I was feeling good because the Docs at Mayo recommended going.  My hopes were high. Let’s just say I should never experience the best of anything.  Barnes is ok probably one of the best hospitals in Missouri I am sure. This is Macie’s best opportunity for treatment. BUT Barnes ain’t no Mayo. I think the GI doc we saw there is a total Spaz!  

 BUT headed back to St. Louis on Friday for surgery and to get treatment underway. Hopeful for a better experience the second go around. Fingers Crossed!!!
Frank

Bad dreams and dudes in dresses! ðŸ’ƒ

Lately I’ve been having nightmares about hospitals (crazy techno colored hallways strange smells-yup I perceive smells in my dreams), weird doctors (evil doctors chasing me or locking me in my hospital room) and receptionists telling me that I can’t go home till my insurance pays up! 

  
    

 

So creepy – right? 

I’m sure it’s just my apprehensions and hang ups making an appearance in my sub-conscience. 

  
SO, instead of dwelling on things to come (hopefully not like my dreams) we decided to go watch something even creepier in real life.

 The 2016 Mr. Skyline Beauty Pageant. 

It was a hoot!

Some of those boys were absolutely beautiful! Nothing like watching giant jocks and wonderful band geeks pull off evening gowns and up-do’s…

   
    
  

I’m thinking I NEEEED to see Frank in drag! SOON!

LOL, I’ll let you know if I’m successful in persuading him  ðŸ˜
  

At least there will be Propofol ðŸ˜²

Yeah another ass “procedure”!

Well my amazing followers (I can’t believe I have a tribe of crazies following me-THANK YOU!) apparently my blue goo ass and vag MRI pics weren’t clear enough so I get to have “exploratory” surgery next Friday. 

OK you sickos (😝) here’s some medical porn for you…teehee

  
So chemo has been pushed off till after the surgeon constructs a diagram of my road map butt. JOY

I’m also doing all the testing to start Tysabri (potentially) after chemo concludes. Kinda a scary drug but if it works it would be awesome 👍🏻 I’ll keep you posted. 

TO my fellow Crohnies out there let me know if you’ve ever jumped thru those particular hurdles???

Anywho, I did find out that in conjunction  with getting chemo injections I’m also going to get chemo suppositories – can I get a woop woop? 

On a lighter note, Frank and I inadvertently took a tour of downtown St. Louis as we walked around trying to find the tiny little lab for my specialized blood work. Downtown STL is actually really beautiful, the stately old mansions and fountains made it totally worth the 3 mile hike. 

Here’s some pics to say THANK YOU, my little blog site has reached over 1,000 views. Who knew my rantings would be so popular! 

   
Stop number 3 for directions, happy accidents look at this amazing mural! 

 
😍 He loses weight, I find it and 3 other people’s as well 😡

   
Historic Downtown STL

 
Just stunning! 

  
I wanna live in this “alley”!

    
❤️

 

Another F’ing Quest! 

Tomorrow we head to St. Louis to meet with my new “team”.

  
 Feeling apprehensive and not sure why? BUT anxious to get the treatment fully started and God willing my butt on the road to recovery! 

Frank and I laid in bed last night mulling over the side effects of chemo and what the summer might hold for the family.  I’m not sure how much concomitant illness (medical speak for feeling like shit and puking your guts out)  I’ll get stuck with AND I’m taking bets on if/when I’ll be bald 👴🏼 get your $ in now for the pool 👅. 

Frank is somewhat frustrated with me for being so flippant about the whole situation but honestly I’d rather laugh at the absurdity.  I understand his position and can try to summon my serious self but I will more than likely keep making inappropriate comments!!! 

AND it’ll be a hell of a weight loss program, fingers crossed! 

**apologies to Mrs. Davis, Truman’s home room teacher and a blog reader. I know I have a potty mouth. Honestly I’m shocked Truman has never “slipped” at school and let a few fly! 

Smart Ass runs in the family. **

 

Do you still want me ???

Thought I’d share a few pics around Mayo and the little museum located inside the clinic. Wrapping up our Quest for Mayo sight-DO you guys wanna hear more of my ongoing story? Bored with my guts and gor posts yet? Let me know, comment and sign up on the sight if you wanna keep laughing your butts off at my “adventures”!  

Your are laughing – Right? 👍🏻

   
Truman’s favorite,  the music history of the clinic. 

    
 
A little Mayo movie! 

   
 
The original St. Mary’s hospital 

   
    
    
First heart/lung bypass machine. 

    
    
   

MRI of my girlie bits ðŸ™„

OK if your even remotely squeamish about talking lady parts-disengage now! AND I’m also gonna use very colorful language because honestly this situation called for the use of my extensive profane vocabulary.

AND I just have to share this story because when I told Frank he almost fell out of his chair laughing so it must be good!!!

For whatever reason I have never had an MRI of my pelvic region, I would assume most people never have. Right? Well apparently when your body makes little tunnels from your colon to wherever the hell it wants to an MRI is the best way to see said tunnels also known as Fistulas (plural) or fistulae (singular) I have the plural kind 🤒. So when my Mayo GI doc said it was a necessity I said, ok-sure do whatever you think-give me the works.

Perhaps I should have read up on it before presenting myself wide eyed and uninformed LOL. I thought it’s a few minutes in the tube, no big deal.

Let me set the picture for you. I entered the MRI suite butt naked but for my thin little gown (why does every hospital gown come in child’s small or men’s 4XL and nothing in between?) the wonderful tech told me to hop right up on the table. So far pretty standard, I’ve had a crap ton of brain MRI’s not my favorite but doable.

So I had two lady techs on either side of me, umm ok. The tech on my right let’s call her Judy and the tech on my left, Lindsey. So Judy hands me a very soft small blue tube and tells me to insert into my vagina, umm huh? She explains that they need to insert a special gel into my nooks and crannies to see my special tunnels (see Crohns being the asshole that he is decided I needed another hole not only in my ass area but also in my lady landscape  as well).

I tried, I tried like mad to get that limp little tube up “there” to no avail. I turned to Judy and asked if she had something more rigid-I hear a loud male snort/cough from behind the curtained window in the “suite” apparently there was a room full of gentleman behind me   (when I say room full I mean like 2) LOL. ANYWAY Judy says sorry Hun, nope that’s all we have! OK so finally after a few “stabs” and balancing on the narrow  little table – success! WooHoo it was in!

Ready to go! Wait, why was Lindsey still standing there? I turn to my left and she hands me another f’ing little placid tube. Yup, you guessed it this one had to go right up my asshole!

I looked at Lindsey and asked how the hell was I supposed to stick a wet noodle up my rectum? These were not your standard medical tubing, they seriously were like cooked pasta!!!! I handed it back to her and said-you do it! 😂

OK, tubes were all in place-Finally!

I will say I felt completely justified since Lindsey had to work pretty dang hard to get that thing in position. 😜

Now picture Judy and Lindsey on either side of me tubes taped in place, they both bring out these really large syringes of blue goo. I mean these were like horse insemination size syringes. I just looked at them and said “number 1 I know I’m a big girl but there’s no way that amount of gel is fitting up there and number 2 we have tubes the diameter of a spaghetti noodle – do you see the problem? I’m gonna be here forever” !

AND I was, it took 47 minutes to fill me up! Finally after 30 minutes in the tube I was done! I had blue snot dripping all over that bazillion dollar machine!  I about stroked out when Judy walked  back into the room and handed me a panty liner to hold me over till I could walk down the hall thru the waiting room of other gowned victims to the bathroom to clean up. I sent her back to the supply closet for a grown up diaper-tut sweet!

In their defense both Judy and Lindsey were great and the two boys behind the curtain came out to check on me and help me off of the slimy little slab! It was gross but apparently effective, we now know where all my tunnels lead!