I’m SO Lazy!!!

Another WARNING inappropriate subject matter below!

Ok, so I’ve been slacking lately and haven’t posted for a bit. Those of you with kids know end of the school year translates to moms (and dads-no sexism here) running your behinds off trying to get everything accomplished and amazing for your precious little off-spring.  AND I only have one and am a stay at home goddess so I’ll keep it real – I’m LAZY!


BUT here I am to answer your questions from my last post. It’s hysterical but not really surprising because I’d want to know as well, the question most asked:

Can I still have SEX and is it painful?

So I’ll just dive right in-YES we have been able to maintain relations pretty much as normal as before my ass became a bubbling cauldron of disgusting  😜 !

With a few minor modifications (and I think it goes without saying that anal is out forever! Oh man my moms gonna love me putting that out there. BUT let’s be honest after 25 years of marriage -we’ll never mind, you get it). Other than that it’s been fine, now granted the first week after surgery is out of the question!!! 😂😂😂😂

Apologies to my father in law-I really am a “good girl” still.

Next question was “How does Crohns effect my daily life?”

Crohns is a raving Bitch, there’s no two ways about it! I mean you already know I suffer from toilet mouth so no sugar coating it. She’s evil! BUT sometimes she’s relatively quiet and I have a decent day that doesn’t require 5 or 6 changes of clothes. Basically Crohns in my case just means diarrhea issues and pain in the abdomen. I have the fistulas (ass tunnels) and when I get a new one of those it’s horribly painful but day to day just the RUNZZ are the issue. I try to watch my diet but for me aside from a few trigger foods there’s really no ryme or reason of what’s going to cause me to sprint to the Porcelain thrown sometimes 18-20 times a day.  I try to stay close to a bathroom and a shower as much as possible.  I’m always prepared with wipes, pads and or diapers, extra panties and a change of clothes when I leave the house.

“Why are you going to take chemo, you don’t have cancer-right?”

True, I don’t currently have cancer. I’ve been in remission from papillary carcinoma of the thyroid going on 6 years.

Thank you Jesus from the bottom of my heart!

One of the side effects from chemotherapy is a severely suppressed immune system which is really bad for most people but because my immune system is an Olympic athlete with ADHD chemotherapy in theory will supress the immune system so that my body can heal, hopefully. It’s been used in people with severe auto immune diseases for quite sometime with good success.

“Do you ever worry about your husband leaving you since your sick?”

NOPE,  Frank and I have been together since we were literally children. He has seen everything, cleaned unspeakable wounds, held my hair back while I’m puking SO many times I can’t even count, held my hand when getting bad news and gone toe to toe with arrogant surgeons. He’s my advocate and champion. AND if he was gonna bail he would have done it years ago. AS trite as it may sound, we are more in love now than I think we were on our wedding day!  I know I am!  BUT it still holds true that if one of us dosent tell the other to F off during the course of the day then there’s something wrong 😳It’s marriage and there’s no guarantees ever but I’m certain we can weather just about any storm!

“Do you feel guilty about your son being exposed to so much at such a young age?”

Yes, I do.  I grew up with a chronically ill baby brother. I was a caretaker from the time I was 5 years old.  I never resented him but I did miss out on being able to be just a kid. AND maybe I wouldn’t have been carefree anyway it’s not really my personality. BUT I surely don’t want my son to have to be a nurse (unless he chooses that as a profession which would be awesome!) We try to shelter him from the worst parts but he dosent know anything but living with a chronically ill parent, I was diagnosed with the MS when he was less than a year old.  He’s a gentle compassionate kid and he just GETS IT. So if my medical issues played a part in that, it’s OK.  Our lives just are what they are, I wouldn’t have chosen this ride for any of us but I think we are all stronger because of it.

So that’s it, I answered all the questions that were put  in front of me. Good Job Tribe!  I’m committed to being open and honest about this journey, my apologies if it gets TO REAL!!!

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Help a Sister Out…🤔

I’m feeling like I should write a blog but I have no idea what to write about SO-

How about you guys ask me some questions Crohn’s related or not ask ANYTHING and I’ll answer as best I can 👍🏻

Strung Out 😳

Let me just state that I’m somewhat still high from the surgery and pain meds but I wanted to write a post anyway. Hopefully I won’t regret it 👀

The surgery went fine, no NEW fistulas woohoo!!!! Great news! The surgeon now has a nice little “base line” road map of all of my holes 🌑 AND holy hell I hope so because  he dug and scoped something fierce back “there”! I had Frank take a look and his sudden catch of breath and “oh honey” we’re not particularly comforting words. SO of course I made him take a pic-which I will NOT be sharing because WOW just WOW! I want this to be an informative funny blog not an “Holy Crap her inards are now outards, WTF is that purple/green glob of tissue” kind of blog!


Anywho, the upside we got to have Tai and sushi for a reward! I pretty much hate sushi, but Frank loves it and I got super yummy spicy rice noodles and peanut sauce! Might as well cauterize the open wound with Wasabi !🔥


Thanks ever so much for all the wonderful, kind and supportive words! You guys are truly the best! Wanted to give a shout out to my  mom, Vicki Pelicane for hanging out with the kiddo! Love you MOM! 😘

Bad dreams and dudes in dresses! 💃

Lately I’ve been having nightmares about hospitals (crazy techno colored hallways strange smells-yup I perceive smells in my dreams), weird doctors (evil doctors chasing me or locking me in my hospital room) and receptionists telling me that I can’t go home till my insurance pays up! 

  
    

 

So creepy – right? 

I’m sure it’s just my apprehensions and hang ups making an appearance in my sub-conscience. 

  
SO, instead of dwelling on things to come (hopefully not like my dreams) we decided to go watch something even creepier in real life.

 The 2016 Mr. Skyline Beauty Pageant. 

It was a hoot!

Some of those boys were absolutely beautiful! Nothing like watching giant jocks and wonderful band geeks pull off evening gowns and up-do’s…

   
    
  

I’m thinking I NEEEED to see Frank in drag! SOON!

LOL, I’ll let you know if I’m successful in persuading him  😝
  

At least there will be Propofol 😲

Yeah another ass “procedure”!

Well my amazing followers (I can’t believe I have a tribe of crazies following me-THANK YOU!) apparently my blue goo ass and vag MRI pics weren’t clear enough so I get to have “exploratory” surgery next Friday. 

OK you sickos (😝) here’s some medical porn for you…teehee

  
So chemo has been pushed off till after the surgeon constructs a diagram of my road map butt. JOY

I’m also doing all the testing to start Tysabri (potentially) after chemo concludes. Kinda a scary drug but if it works it would be awesome 👍🏻 I’ll keep you posted. 

TO my fellow Crohnies out there let me know if you’ve ever jumped thru those particular hurdles???

Anywho, I did find out that in conjunction  with getting chemo injections I’m also going to get chemo suppositories – can I get a woop woop? 

On a lighter note, Frank and I inadvertently took a tour of downtown St. Louis as we walked around trying to find the tiny little lab for my specialized blood work. Downtown STL is actually really beautiful, the stately old mansions and fountains made it totally worth the 3 mile hike. 

Here’s some pics to say THANK YOU, my little blog site has reached over 1,000 views. Who knew my rantings would be so popular! 

   
Stop number 3 for directions, happy accidents look at this amazing mural! 

 
😍 He loses weight, I find it and 3 other people’s as well 😡

   
Historic Downtown STL

 
Just stunning! 

  
I wanna live in this “alley”!

    
❤️

 

Another F’ing Quest! 

Tomorrow we head to St. Louis to meet with my new “team”.

  
 Feeling apprehensive and not sure why? BUT anxious to get the treatment fully started and God willing my butt on the road to recovery! 

Frank and I laid in bed last night mulling over the side effects of chemo and what the summer might hold for the family.  I’m not sure how much concomitant illness (medical speak for feeling like shit and puking your guts out)  I’ll get stuck with AND I’m taking bets on if/when I’ll be bald 👴🏼 get your $ in now for the pool 👅. 

Frank is somewhat frustrated with me for being so flippant about the whole situation but honestly I’d rather laugh at the absurdity.  I understand his position and can try to summon my serious self but I will more than likely keep making inappropriate comments!!! 

AND it’ll be a hell of a weight loss program, fingers crossed! 

**apologies to Mrs. Davis, Truman’s home room teacher and a blog reader. I know I have a potty mouth. Honestly I’m shocked Truman has never “slipped” at school and let a few fly! 

Smart Ass runs in the family. **